it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do vagina's smell?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
