I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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