I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
