saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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