I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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