You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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