His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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