watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you will always have a special place in my vag
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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