i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
