There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
