why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
