you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
