Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
