Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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