Cold hands, warm shart.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
