The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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