I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
