My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
