I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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