How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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