32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
