My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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