The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
