weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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