Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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