know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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