Tell her she can't have a vagina
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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