Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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