Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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