Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
