dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
