dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
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I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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