so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
