i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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