i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
