Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
