I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
