"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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