No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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