I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
