dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
