I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
