Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
