My hand turned me down
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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