Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm getting married
To pizza
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize