You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
