what day is it and did you see me today?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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