im drinking this country out of the recession.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
