Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
