Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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