no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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