the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
