Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
not ubering you a puppy
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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