R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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