don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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