How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize