is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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