um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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