I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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