So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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