you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
