connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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