I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I party with great urgency now.
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