The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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