On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's blow job season.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
