am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
